Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
Always forgive your enemies.  Nothing annoys them so much.
Born to hunt / golf/ fish / ski / forced to work.
I don't exaggerate.... I just remember big.
It is awfully important to know what is and what is not your business. -Gertrude Stein
Laugh and the world laughs with you.  Snore and you sleep alone.  -Anthony Burgess
Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -Victor Borge
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Never eat more than you can lift. -Miss Piggy
No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.  -Carrie Snow
Nobody ever died of laughter.
People who never get carried away... should be
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
We are only here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.  -Will Rogers
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
If you can laugh at it, you can live with it. --Erma Bombeck
The best blush to use is laughter: It will put roses in your cheeks and in your soul.  --Linda Knight

Draw a crazy picture Write a nutty poem Sing a mumble-gumble song
Whistle through your comb Do a loony-goony dance 'cross the kitchen floor
Put something silly in the world That ain't been there before.
--Shel Silverstien

When I said "I Do" I didn't mean laundry.
When I said "I Do" I didn't mean dishes.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and you'll get rid of him for the weekend.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
No day is so bad that it can't be fixed with chocolate.
Chocolate is my drug of choice.
Hand over the chocolate and nobody gets hurt!
I'm not 40, I'm $39.95 plus shipping and handling.

This house was clean yesterday... sorry you missed it.
I clean house every other day.   Today is not the other day.